Halloween talk

It doesn't take much to turn a baby into Yoda.

Back boobs

The butt is natures back boobs.

Sing your life

"If I was God, I would make singers talk the same way they sing all the time"

Lazy stripper

"I'm a lazy stripper, I want all the benefits but don't want to do any of the work on the front end"

Pee Jar

The blog lives. 

After a long hiatus it lives!

Now the masses can finally revel in the collective shop wisdom once again. 

From now on though the posts will all be listed anonymously.

The quotes can come from shop employees as well as enlightened customers, hangabouts or just passing throughs.

"I feel real uncomfortable about putting my dick in another man's pee jar"

2/11/12

Sean was filling out a Property Tax Form and in the 'comments' field I suggested he put "Thank You." He replied - "No, you don't want to do that. That's like looking a stray dog in the eye. You don't want to engage them."

2/11/12

Ed - "knock on wood, I've never shit my pant-...oh wait."

Ed- "Well, it was mardi gras so..."

12/3/2011

Today we all played the famous junior high school game called MASH. Here are the results.

Jason - Lives in a mansion. Drives a '68 version of his current car. Has a creepy tall poodle as a pet. Is married to Courtney Kardashian.

Sean - Lives in a house. Drives the Tesla Electric Car. Has a grizzly bear as a pet. Is married to Kat Von D (bummer dude).

Ed - Lives in a mansion. Drives a '67 Road Runner. Has a domestic raccoon for a pet. Is marries to his girlfriend Sunshine (Ahh...).

Aidan - Lives in a mansion. Drives an original Mini. Has a black panther as a pet. Is married to Bridgette Boudreau.

Mel - Lives in a house. Drives a '62 Rolls-Royce. Has Professor Kitty for a pet. Is married to Christian Slater when he was in the film True Romance.

Ellie - Realized this was a game for little girls and rightly opted out to maintain her self respect.

11/30/2011

Jason - "I talk about the Kardashians everyday."

Sean - "Yeah and I'm sick of it."

Jason - "Okay."

Sean - "I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE KARDSHIANS FOR ONCE!"

Jason -"Okay."
(pause)
Sean - "So, you know your girl?"

Jason - "Courtney."

Sean - "PREGNAAAANT!"

Jason - "NO!"

11/30/2011

Jason - "What's that disease called when old people forget stuff?"

11/16/2011

Jason - "I ate too much."
(pause)
Jason - " I feel bloated."
(pause)
Jason - "I don't feel confident enough to do this tattoo."

11/5/2011

Ed - "Are they legally allowed to touch you in haunted houses? Cause I don't like no one touchin' me."

11/1/2011

Jason - "I'm very delicate today. I always feel delicate on Tuesdays."

10/30/2011

Ed - "I'm gonna dye my hair platinum blond but leave my beard brown."

Jason - "You'll look like Fabio's drug dealer."

10/19/2011

Jason - "I'll fart on anyone to save my life. I love living."

7/23/2011

Jason - "Have you ever seen The Cure live?"

Sean - "Yeah, I saw them at The Oakland Coliseum."

Jason - "Thats where I saw Justin Bieber!"

Sean - "Did it seem like he was singing right to you?"

Jason - "Are you implying that he wasn't?" 

7/23/2011

Jason - (to me) "I'd like to get you dressed up at The Dress Barn and take you out on the town. I'd bet you in a pantsuit could whip this place together."

7/20/2011

Andre - "Puppet tits are dope."

7/13/2011

Sean: "Could you please get me a cookie?"

Me: "Yeah."

Jason: "Cookie?!"

Andre: "I want a cookie!"

Jason: "Are you getting a cookie?"

Andre: "Yeah I'm getting a cookie!"

Jason: "I want a cookie."

(I bring them cookies)

Jason: "Look at the size of this cookie Sean!"

Sean: "Oh I know all about those cookies. This aint my first rodeo."

(Jason eats cookie)

Jason: "Oh, it comes in layers. First the bitterness of the cocoa and then the sweetness of the fudge. They separate and then come together and hit you in the back of the mouth."

Sean: "Its like chocolate Jiu-Jitsu."

Andre: "It makes me want chocolate milk."

Sean: "You gotta fight chocolate with chocolate."

Jason: "That sounds like a baked goods cook book by Metallica."

(After the cookie)

Jason: "Andre did you eat that cookie?"

Andre: "Not yet bro. Did you?"

Jason: "Yeah."

Andre: "You ate that whole thing?!"

Jason: "Yeah, I'm in a chocolate stratosphere."

Andre: "I can't believe you ate that whole thing."

Jason: "I feel crazy. I feel like I'm looking straight ahead, but my peripheral vision is looking up to the sky."

(moments pass)

Jason: "I ate that cookie and I drank that coffee and now I feel warm."

1/3/2011

Ed - "I watched the new Willow Smith single; I Whip My Hair Back."

Jason - "I haven't heard that one yet."

Ed - "Its really good."

Jason - "Really?"

Ed - "No. But it made me whip my hair back."

Jason - "I can't listen to that song. It makes me have phantom hair. It gives me whiplash."